So we've found ourselves at a new stage with our baby boy. He is growing more and more independent each and every day! It's adorable and difficult at the sametime! Use to "No", "One, two, three", or a quick spat with a spoon would work. I begin to notice slight changes over the past 2 months. From a heart broken cry when corrected, to laughter & "games", to ultimately protest and anger. Here is when we realized something needed to change. I'm personally not a fan of "spanking" where as my husband was in favor ... until now. Now, he sees that something is unblanaced as our son has drasticly changed in personallity. So now we're on a quest to find new effective ways for discipline. The following is an article by Margorie Sims, titled Effective Discipline for Toddlers. I enjoied reading the stories of others and wanted to share.
At some defining moment, your baby becomes a toddler. It may take you completely by surprise, but you'll know when it happens. The two of you will be casually shopping or strolling across the parking lot hand in hand when suddenly she will demand her freedom with a stomp, a scream or a defiant "NO!" How should parents cope with taxing toddlers during this phase of childhood? Create a plan and be prepared.
"The toddler years are years when children begin individuating from their parents," says Dr. Margaret Koraneck, a psychologist for Lebonheur (Hospital) Center for Children and Parents in Memphis, Tennessee.
"When they begin this process, they need two things. First, a lot of nurturing. Secondly, encouragement toward independence." Dr. Koraneck suggests these two goals be accomplished in children by giving them many choices during this phase, but making sure the choices are safe. For instance, she says, don't let them choose whether or not they will hold your hand, but do let them choose which hand they will hold.
Anita Urban of Moscow, Tenn. sees the reach for independence almost daily in her 22-month-old son, Peter. For Peter, the most effective means of discipline has proven to be immediate, consistent reproof.
"Oftentimes he will try to get into things that are not safe, such as under the bathroom or kitchen sink and ... the Christmas tree," she says. "There are days when we have battle after battle, and I am sure he is not getting it. But I have found if I firmly tell him, 'No' accompanied by a swat on the hand, if necessary, he does get the message."
Urban says she realized his ability to understand recently when Peter walked up to the fireplace and, pointing a chubby finger, said, "No! No! No!"
When parents make limits a priority, they are not only teaching internal discipline but also safety, nurturing and values which will carry the child through his adult life. "Remember, you're the parent. Toddlers can be extremely bossy, therefore it is important for the parents to set good limits," says Dr. Koraneck.
Robert Miller, a father of seven from Cordova, Tenn., agrees. "I've found it is during this phase when leadership is established," he says. "If you don't get the message across during this crucial time that you're in charge, you can count on being the one the other parents talk about in the grocery store or restaurant."
Dr. Koraneck also encourages parents to ignore the inevitable tantrums toddlers often throw. "It is okay, even healthy, for a toddler to want her freedom," she says. "But it is up to parents to ensure their message still gets across." Especially in instances such as sitting in their car seats or holding hands in the parking lot, she adds. Parents should compel children to do what they want them to do, despite the tantrums.
Linda Avery, a mother of seven from Arlington, Tenn., has found an effective way of coping with 2-year-old Savannah's daily tantrums at home. Avery says she has designated a chair in her home as "the crying place."
"I tell her, 'Go to the crying place and find your happy face.' When she returns, she says with a smile, 'Happy face, Mommy.'" Through consistent visits to the crying place, she says, Savannah learns that her tantrums are not acceptable behavior. An added plus? A designated crying place removes tantrums from right underfoot, something most parents would agree is one of the most exasperating traits of the toddler years.
How do you know when to begin disciplining your toddler? Laura Hatcher, a mother of five from Brighton, Tenn., says the earlier the better. As soon as Jack, 13 months, became mobile and began getting into things, she began setting limits. "I tell him, 'No,' the first time and every time, and I don't give in until he understands," she says, adding that consistency is key. Hatcher confirms that she sees a big difference in the effect of consistent discipline as compared to when her older children were Jack's age.
"But it wasn't because they were particularly more difficult," she is quick to add. "It was only because I allowed them to get away with more when they were toddlers."
Not only is consistent discipline important, adds Miller, but a consistent routine. "We do bed time the same way every night," he says. "This enables my toddlers to behave themselves more easily than when they don't understand what is expected of them." Miller adds that he believes a snack helps his toddlers sleep better, and a bed time story gives them some important quiet time with Dad, to say nothing of a much needed break for Mom.
Although these years can prove to be exasperating, having boundaries, consistency and a plan is sure to smooth the transition of toddlerhood during this precious but exhausting season of your child's life.
At some defining moment, your baby becomes a toddler. It may take you completely by surprise, but you'll know when it happens. The two of you will be casually shopping or strolling across the parking lot hand in hand when suddenly she will demand her freedom with a stomp, a scream or a defiant "NO!" How should parents cope with taxing toddlers during this phase of childhood? Create a plan and be prepared.
"The toddler years are years when children begin individuating from their parents," says Dr. Margaret Koraneck, a psychologist for Lebonheur (Hospital) Center for Children and Parents in Memphis, Tennessee.
"When they begin this process, they need two things. First, a lot of nurturing. Secondly, encouragement toward independence." Dr. Koraneck suggests these two goals be accomplished in children by giving them many choices during this phase, but making sure the choices are safe. For instance, she says, don't let them choose whether or not they will hold your hand, but do let them choose which hand they will hold.
Anita Urban of Moscow, Tenn. sees the reach for independence almost daily in her 22-month-old son, Peter. For Peter, the most effective means of discipline has proven to be immediate, consistent reproof.
"Oftentimes he will try to get into things that are not safe, such as under the bathroom or kitchen sink and ... the Christmas tree," she says. "There are days when we have battle after battle, and I am sure he is not getting it. But I have found if I firmly tell him, 'No' accompanied by a swat on the hand, if necessary, he does get the message."
Urban says she realized his ability to understand recently when Peter walked up to the fireplace and, pointing a chubby finger, said, "No! No! No!"
When parents make limits a priority, they are not only teaching internal discipline but also safety, nurturing and values which will carry the child through his adult life. "Remember, you're the parent. Toddlers can be extremely bossy, therefore it is important for the parents to set good limits," says Dr. Koraneck.
Robert Miller, a father of seven from Cordova, Tenn., agrees. "I've found it is during this phase when leadership is established," he says. "If you don't get the message across during this crucial time that you're in charge, you can count on being the one the other parents talk about in the grocery store or restaurant."
Dr. Koraneck also encourages parents to ignore the inevitable tantrums toddlers often throw. "It is okay, even healthy, for a toddler to want her freedom," she says. "But it is up to parents to ensure their message still gets across." Especially in instances such as sitting in their car seats or holding hands in the parking lot, she adds. Parents should compel children to do what they want them to do, despite the tantrums.
Linda Avery, a mother of seven from Arlington, Tenn., has found an effective way of coping with 2-year-old Savannah's daily tantrums at home. Avery says she has designated a chair in her home as "the crying place."
"I tell her, 'Go to the crying place and find your happy face.' When she returns, she says with a smile, 'Happy face, Mommy.'" Through consistent visits to the crying place, she says, Savannah learns that her tantrums are not acceptable behavior. An added plus? A designated crying place removes tantrums from right underfoot, something most parents would agree is one of the most exasperating traits of the toddler years.
How do you know when to begin disciplining your toddler? Laura Hatcher, a mother of five from Brighton, Tenn., says the earlier the better. As soon as Jack, 13 months, became mobile and began getting into things, she began setting limits. "I tell him, 'No,' the first time and every time, and I don't give in until he understands," she says, adding that consistency is key. Hatcher confirms that she sees a big difference in the effect of consistent discipline as compared to when her older children were Jack's age.
"But it wasn't because they were particularly more difficult," she is quick to add. "It was only because I allowed them to get away with more when they were toddlers."
Not only is consistent discipline important, adds Miller, but a consistent routine. "We do bed time the same way every night," he says. "This enables my toddlers to behave themselves more easily than when they don't understand what is expected of them." Miller adds that he believes a snack helps his toddlers sleep better, and a bed time story gives them some important quiet time with Dad, to say nothing of a much needed break for Mom.
Although these years can prove to be exasperating, having boundaries, consistency and a plan is sure to smooth the transition of toddlerhood during this precious but exhausting season of your child's life.
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